Why I’m Writing From the In Between
A reflection on healing after a high-control belief system
For a long time, I thought healing meant escaping my past.
Now I see that real healing is about rewiring the patterns it left inside of me—gently, consciously, moment by moment.
I was raised in a belief system that taught me that self-denial was holy, that shame was necessary for growth, and that trusting myself was dangerous.
Leaving that environment was just the beginning.
The deeper work has been in rebuilding the pathways of my own mind and body to move differently through the world.
This is the work of The In Between—and it’s still unfolding.
How I’m Actively Rewiring My Brain
1. Reframing Self-Care
For a long time, something as simple as taking a bath felt selfish.
Even when I was still part of a church community, the guilt lingered.
It took intentional practice to rewire my mind to believe that self-care is not selfish—it’s sacred.
Caring for myself first allows me to know who I am, honor my needs, and show up for others from a place of fullness rather than depletion.
Self-care might not make sense to everyone around me.
It doesn’t have to.
Alignment with myself is the deepest offering I can give.
As Dr. Gabor Maté has written, “The essence of trauma is disconnection from the self.”
Reclaiming that connection—through rest, embodiment, and inner kindness—is the work.
2. Letting Go of Shame as a Tool for Growth
I grew up in an environment where shame was believed to be necessary.
We sang about being “wretched sinners.”
We confessed how we had failed each week.
As a child, I was shamed—and physically punished—into submission.
And later, I unknowingly passed that pattern on in relationships, believing shame was how you got someone to change.
Now I understand that shame doesn’t produce transformation—it prevents it.
Dr. Andrew Huberman talks about how elevated stress and fear narrow the brain’s ability to take in new information.
True change requires safety, not punishment.
It’s something I’m still learning—but learning with softness now.
3. Building New Pathways Through the Body
Healing isn’t just something we think our way into.
It’s something we practice—in our bodies.
I’m learning to:
Calm my nervous system through breath and stillness
Process emotion not as sin or failure, but as sensation
Listen for my inner voice—the wisdom that lives underneath all the noise
Dr. Lisa Feldman Barrett’s work helped me understand that emotions aren’t hardwired—they’re constructed.
We create our emotional world based on past experiences and what we believe is possible.
So I’m learning to believe in softness.
To build a world inside myself that holds space for both who I was and who I’m becoming.
Closing Reflection
The work of rewiring my mind isn’t quick.
It isn’t always visible.
And it doesn’t come with neat before-and-after photos.
But it’s real.
Every time I choose curiosity over shame…
Stillness over urgency…
Self-trust over submission…
…I am building a life that feels like mine.
This is The In Between.
This is the work.
Thanks for walking it with me.
Further Resources (for your own unfolding)
Here are a few voices and resources that have helped me put language to what I’ve felt in my body:
Dr. Gabor Maté – The Myth of Normal (on trauma and disconnection from self)
Dr. Lisa Feldman Barrett – How Emotions Are Made (on how we construct emotions)
Dr. Andrew Huberman – Huberman Lab Podcast: “How to Change Your Brain”
These aren’t endorsements of everything they say—just threads I’ve followed as I find my way.
Take what resonates. Leave the rest.